It had to happen eventually.

The Cure had always predicted that one Friday I'd be in love. After inflicting what can only be described as mental harassment on Rola Motors' sales manager, he finally admitted defeat and slowwwly handed me the key to a Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG late on Friday afternoon. While walking towards the car I had to fight off at least 2 brand-new acquaintances and the deepest desire to burst into uncontrolled grinning.

As my test-drive only lasted the better side of one hour and seeing that I've tested two other new (W204) C-Classes, I won't elaborate on the interior too much. The exterior warrants a proper description though, as AMG have dolly'd up the Merc to almost ridiculous levels. Almost; because the show actually does match the go.

Customary for teutonic sports sedans, the C63 is clad with bigger bumpers, meaner lights, lower side skirts, flared wheel arches, hugely expensive low-profile wheels, and four chrome tail pipes protruding from the rear bumper. You need more bling? How about two power domes in the bonnet and a diffuser in the rear bumper? All these goodies make damn sure that nobody mistakes your R700 000 plaything for a mere mortal C-Class.

The interior was beefed up a bit as well, and now features the full-fat navigation/comand flip-up screen on top of the dashboard. I didn't bother to test it. The front seats will seem a bit awkward at first, especially if you have a, umm, wide mid-section. The bucket seat's side supports are so massive and hard that it took me a while to settle in and feel comfy. In my limited motoring experience, only the Honda Civic Type-R and Mercedes-Benz CLK DTM AMG come close to this sort of supportive seating madness.

A few adjustments later I was happily glancing over the updated instruments, which feature lots of silver and chrome bits, big fonts with big numbers, and the usual information displays. The steering wheel is Merc-ish with its three spokes and multi-function buttons, but unlike me has a flat bottom. No mind, time to turn the key and wake up that 6.2 litre V8.

The C63 springs to life with a spine-tingling growl from the four exhaust tips, and then settles into a semi-smooth opposed-eight idle. Something happened on the navigation screen, and a chatty lady was trying to guess the mystery sound on the selected radio station. After having turned the radio off, I selected Drive and slowly coasted out of the parking area. Gentle acceleration produced smooth and seamless progress, while the cold V8 motor grumbled and whirred its way onto the N2.

Once in afternoon traffic, the C63 AMG proved to be surprisingly forgiving in slow-poke mode. The far right pedal needs to be treated gently, which invites the AMG to rumble along with other commuters at minimal revs. Squeeze the pedal a bit more and in a flash the 600Nm of torque dig into a lower gear to growl past 2000rpm. And the speed limit.

Imperfect road surfaces highlighted the C63 AMG's reasonably hard suspension, but didn't produce any hard jolts or rattles. The setup is a few more notches tighter than the Avantgarde spec, and in conjunction with those 18 inch wheels I fear that it would be too rigid for Mercedes customers of old. That said, the brutal Merc sticks to the blacktop like you-know-what to a blanket, never unsettling itself or losing composure at city or highway speeds.

Part of my harassment on said manager included bribes with my own cars, my prized watch collection and at least two pets, so for all of their sakes that's where my bravery ended in terms of testing the handling of the crazy Benz. That didn't stop me from sampling the magnificent vee-eight engine though, and the last 20 minutes of boring, uhh, civilised driving had sufficiently warmed up that gem of an engine.

After leaving the crowded streets for more tranquil surroundings, I shoved my right leg forward a bit more. In an instant the car selected a lower gear and started barking a more determined tune. Slightly frightened but excited I stomped onto the kick-down button and BAMMM! was slammed into my seat as 6.2 litres of muscle started pounding away at the tarmac.

The big V8 engine already surprised me as a passenger in other Mercedes products with its incredible response and rev-happiness. You simply won't believe how fast and high this large capacity engine will spool until you've experienced it for yourself. Being attached to a 7-speed automatic gearbox means that you're never more than 2000rpm away from the redline. But wait, there's more.

The magnificent sound that emits from the four big pipes is a loud, harsh V8 hammering that will get ANY petrol-head drooling. Imagine a big American muscle car's monotonous gurgle, then add the response and redline from a small turbo-charged four cylinder. This unlikely combination of characters makes for diabolical noises when the far right needle briefly rockets past 7.

Seven gears with over seven thousand revs means that you'll get to experience the hissing engine and pounding exhaust music more often, and you even have steering-mounted pedal shifts to mess around with. I was slightly disappointed that downshifts didn't produce the (big) throttle blip I had read so much about, but perhaps I was not driving fast (or hard) enough?

The power delivery and handling of the C63 AMG was certainly no disappointment, as I had learned from so many motoring journalists that this car was overpowered and a handfull. Surely I didn't push it to its limit, but I certainly wasn't going slowly either. I expected the C63 to be borderline undrivable, with the traction control interfering permanently, and ESP putting a leash on what I assumed would be pendulum-like, rubber-burning, tail-out action.

Obviously you can torture the car to that level, but I found that it came with so much grip and handling finesse that it DID seem absolutely drivable if you behave like a grown-up. To put it to another test, I pulled to the side of the road and waited for traffic to clear. Then I simply buried the throttle. The tires briefly yelled for help as the traction control system restrained that beast of an engine, but then it simply shot forward like a bullet from a gun, and from 3 to 7 thousand revs in the blink of an eye.

Second gear was only a short spurt of hammering beats accompanied by SUCH force that I felt victimised for a second and completely missed out on third gear blasting its way to the redline. Keep your foot in it and you'll be hurtling straight towards jail-time, which I had no intention of sampling.

The brakes seemed like a better idea, and these instantly matched the car's forward aggression with tremendous bight and precision as they brought me back to the speed of the traffic I had just caught up with again. Is 450bhp too much in a saloon car? Probably. But it's like having 450 million in your bank account. You don't HAVE to use it all and probably never will, it does have its risks, but when you decide to use it not much will keep up.

The return trip to Rola Motors involved more fiddling with the pedal shifts, and the discovery of various engine notes and exhaust tunes. High-speed off-throttle deceleration produces a metallic whir from beneath the two power domes, while the exhausts pop and crackle with (apparently pre-programmed) V8 misfires.

Small throttle openings produce a medley of growls from front and back, which can be turned to a full wounded-lion-in-the-boot roar when you open the taps again. Oh yes: my sincerest apologies to the five gentlemen on the golf course next to the Kuilsriver road, especially the chap who was trying to putt while I clung on for dear life in third gear.

The shiny foreheads and white complexion of Rola Motors staff must've been an indication of their concern for my well-being, but soon it was smiles all-around again as I returned the key to a fully functioning vehicle to its rightful owner. Standing next to the menacing brute from Stuttgart made me realise why so many people in traffic had a puzzled look on their face. It might just be a bit too vulgar for a Merc, but its simply stupendous power and aggressive sound suit its grimace. As I drove away in my own car I couldn't help noticing how mean a C63 really looks, and how completely flat my seats are.

For

• Saturn 5 rocket performance
• Nascar sound
• Mercedes quality and usability
• Comfort & safety features

Against

• Saturn 5 rocket fuel consumption
• Styling a bit over the top
• Power a bit over the top
• Ride a bit hard
• Price